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Connectable Life Putting on a brave face

Putting on a brave face

Learning to remove the negatives and inhale to find meaning. Removing the toxins of the world.

It is okay to not always be okay. I do not know about you, but for me, it is hard to try and remain positive and enthusiastic all the time. We all have an array of emotions and, right now, those emotions are going crazy. It’s downright hard to put on a brave face all the time. Honestly – what is going on with the world? It seems like we get news of one thing, and while we are still trying to cope with it, we are then bombarded with news of something else. It is as if we are in a storm out-at-sea and as soon we have finished scrambling and trying to recover, we are knocked by another wave. Honestly, what is going on? Well, I have decided that it is time to be real and raw with how I am feeling.

Living in the constant unknown- back and forth- is too traumatic. It is not healthy to constantly be on-guard and always in survival mode. All of this, too, often means we end up making bad decisions, or unhealthy, inappropriate ones. Given our current situation and how little control we have over things, I know that I DO have control of my emotions and choices. So, this is me, taking a stand! The world is in a state of turmoil, but I will not go down with it.

We are all in this together; but experiencing something different.

We are all in this together, albeit on different roads. The question is, what is your destination? Golly, where am I going? It’s been a turbulent time and I can say that I’m hurting for the world. I am hurting for those who have been negatively affected by this virus. I am hurting because I’m tired and grieving for a life I remember but can’t seem to get back. We are all affected by this pandemic. This virus is creeping and webbing: the infiltration of it into all areas and the toxic mental conditions that follow are ever reaching and will be long-lasting. As we know, anxiety is all-consuming. It takes over our brains and the ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) run rampant. Are you hurting? Is anxiety affecting your mental health and your relationships? Is it bulldozing every area of your life?

We are all different: from our biology to every aspect of our lives. What we have in common is living through the same world event. Another point that most of us, also, have in common is that we have negative, intrusive thoughts which steal from us. It is hard to stop them. These ANTS run around and the only option we have is to physically remove them. They don’t, unfortunately, magically disappear.

Imagine an ant problem in your kitchen… what to do? You would make physical changes so that the ants disappear. Whether that is moving the food or water that is attracting them or putting in ant traps; whatever it is, we want them gone and so we make them go. It works the same for the ANTS in our brain. We need to physically remove them.

But how to remove them?

What is causing the anxiety in my life? What are the ANTS in my brain? Name it, discuss it and then let it go. The best way is to talk it through. Who better to use than a trained professional?

What are you inhaling and what are you exhaling?

We are often advised in life that we should find out the ‘why’ behind something and the ‘how’ will happen naturally. In other words, to find out the reason behind why you want to do something, or why you already do it, and the how to do it will be easier to figure out. When we started Connectable Life, we knew what we wanted to do but we had so many questions surrounding how to do it. It was only when we started digging into the reasons why this platform was so important to us that the ‘hows’ became so much simpler and clearer.

So… Why are you living? Are you living to survive, to get through another day? Or are you living to ENJOY each beautiful day you are blessed with? It might seem like an obvious question, but the answer is not so obvious for most people. It is one that takes a lot of introspection and honesty to answer. The truth is that most of us are probably living to survive.

Now obviously we all need oxygen to survive, and this is why we all inhale. But what if we used this God-given gift as a talent and tool that wades off any and all negativity? What if we used this auto-piloted greatness to steer our thoughts, moods, days and life? We can be the pilot of our breath and if we do this properly, we will be inhaling to live and not to just survive.

Anxiety, Stress and ANTS

This period (or any period) is causing us anxiety and stress and the ANTS in our head are on overload. It may feel now more than ever like it is all just ‘too much’ and like we are gasping for fresh air. If we learn to take back control of our breathing and choose what we are inhaling, maybe we can learn to take back control of our lives.

When the body has too much carbon dioxide it becomes toxic. This is when we need to seriously monitor our breathing so that we can breathe fresh air and fresh life into our lungs, hearts and minds. The body and mind cannot exist without each other. So a toxic body is more than likely going to cause a toxic mind and thoughts- the negative ANTS in our head which need to be removed.

It is time to take control of your inhales. Are you living or are you in survival mode? Think about what you need to exhale… All those toxins and toxic ANTS. Breathe out the hate, anger, jealousy, guilt, regret and whatever past experiences are weighing you down. Breathe in love, care, generosity, faith, empathy, sympathy and a clean, crisp and happy future.

3 simple yet powerful steps! In big and bold!

  1. NAME IT!

Call it out. Write it down. Shine a spotlight on the issue.


When we talk about something, even if “the talking” is just our reflecting or journaling- the framework of that issue that is eating at us starts to be dismantled: it is being shaken and taken apart. The concrete it is trying to cement in our brain is now being loosened and unable to hold as fast. It is critical to discuss the issue at hand and break it up.

When we discuss our issues, ANTS and anxieties with a professional, the digging becomes more intense and we truly get into the whys. With trained professionals, they tend to get to the root cause and work through the issue altogether. Often what we are looking at, and what is manifesting, is the tip of the iceberg and, as the conversation of ‘why’ gets more elaborate, more of the initial problem is exposed.

  1. Letting it go and replacing it.

We need to let it go, as hard as it is. We must! The easiest way to let go is by replacing it with the good, healthy option. We have heard it said that when people give up smoking, they often replace the habit with food. Instead of food- chew gum or drink water or green tea. Replace your thoughts with positive thoughts, positive attitudes, and positive habits.

We are overcomers!

Soon, you will have emptied your body and mind of toxins and you will be a clean, well-oiled, positive-thinking machine. So, why are you inhaling? And what are you inhaling? And how are you going to change it?

Asking the why, leads to the how, which in turn leads to healing. Those Automatic Negative Thoughts come and go but knowing how to remove them quickly is the key. Knowing how to own your thoughts is powerful. Speak words of life and positivity over your life.

The outcome- you won’t need to put on a brave face, you will instead have an overcomer’s face. A face of a warrior that acknowledges what you are going through but is not beaten by the worry, anxiety, or ANTS. You are an overcomer.

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Stacey Spilsbury

My passion is people and healing! My purpose is to help as many people as I can, and normalize therapy of all forms. My journey hasn't always been an easy one; as a child, I was diagnosed with a number of learning disabilities, which meant many hours of therapy. Of which I will always be grateful for. I went on to study marketing and business, during this time, I went through a massive life change. Questioning every decision I had made up to that point, which led me onto a road of self-discovery, church and the bible. Losing 25kg and exploring a new way of doing life, I grew some wings and explored the world. Spending a couple of years working in the sales department for an 'off-plan property investment company', in London. Afterwhich coming back to South Africa to marry the man of my youth, where we now share in the joy of raising our crazy brood of 4 little boys on a farm in rural South Africa. After a series of life events, and seeking the counsel of a therapist in order to find my own personal healing. This journey, leading me to pick up the books again and study, Career Guidance Counselling. All of this helped propel my passion of Mental Health and Physical Wellness. It was through a conversation, in 2019, with my darling friend Jess, in which we hatched up the concept of 'Online Therapy of all forms - Mind, Body and Wellness.' At this point, it had not been done before, and therefore we couldn't walk away. This is where it started, we co-founded and now co-own Connectable Life- making mental health and wellness easy, accessible and stigma-free. Our goal is to make, 'the therapy space,' accessible to all who need it. Highlighting the power of healing for everyone, wellness over illness.

1 Comment

  • August 10, 2020 at 7:36 am

    Great blog, taps into all of our feeli g in 2020!

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